Jacob Zinn :: journalist + photographer

Florida: there’s something in the water…

Posted in Stupid Floridians by Jacob Zinn on August 8, 2009

There must be something in the water (besides gators) that is making Floridians so remarkably stupid.

Every few months, a news story emerges about some dimwit from the Sunshine State. There are stupid people in every U.S. state, but people from Florida seem… stupider.

Don’t believe me? Here are a few notable stories.

The Florida Times-Union

JACKSONVILLE – Jacksonville police say Reginald Peterson needs to learn that 911 is not the appropriate place to complain that Subway left the sauce off a spicy Italian sandwich.

Police said the 42-year-old man dialed 911 twice last week so he could have his sub made correctly. The second call was to complain that officers weren’t arriving fast enough.

Subway workers told police Peterson became belligerent and yelled when they were fixing his order. They locked him out of the store after he left to call police.

When officers arrived, they tried to calm Peterson and explain the proper use of 911. Those efforts failed, and he was arrested on a charge of making false 911 calls.

Peterson did not have a listed phone number.

Guess what? Peterson wasn’t the only person in Florida who didn’t know that 911 is for. Two days later…

USA Today

TAMPA – A second Hillsborough County man has been arrested on charges of making false 911 calls in as many days.

An arrest report says 47-year-old Carlos Gutierrez was at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino early Monday and called 911 to say the slot machine stole his money. The report says Gutierrez left the casino to place a second 911 call to say the same thing.

He was arrested and charged with making a false 911 call. He’s being held with no bail set.

On Sunday another man was arrested after calling 911 five times during an argument with his brother. He demanded that dispatchers send deputies to help sort things out.

See also:

Man calls 911 when Florida Burger King runs out of lemonade
Stoned Florida man calls 911 for helicopter escort to Lil Wayne concert
Man arrested for 190th time in Florida

A few months after those calls, someone had to call 911 for a legitimate reason.

ABC News

Authorities say a Fort Myers man shot himself in the arm after his girlfriend refused to have sex with him. The Lee County Sheriff’s Office reported that a 29-year-old man and his girlfriend returned home from a bar early Wednesday morning.

The girlfriend told deputies that her boyfriend wanted to get intimate, but she just wanted to go to sleep. When she refused, he became irate.

Authorities said the girlfriend went to a spare bedroom, and several minutes later she heard two gunshots. She told deputies her boyfriend came into her room and threatened her. He then stumbled into the kitchen before falling into the oven, knocking himself unconscious.

The man was treated for two gunshot wounds to the arm and was taken to jail.

The man was charged with threatening violence and firing a weapon in an occupied dwelling. He was being held on $100,000 bail.

More recently:

The Guardian

Dogs have been blamed for eating homework – now a Florida man says his cat downloaded child pornography.

Police are charging Keith Griffin of Jensen Beach, Florida with 10 counts of possession of child pornography after finding more than 1,000 images on his personal computer.

Griffin told police he had been downloading music, and that his cat jumped on the keyboard when he left the room. He said “strange things” appeared on the computer when he returned.

He is being held in Martin county jail on $250,000 bond. No word on any charges against the cat.

There’s even a website about stupid things in Florida called Floridiots, though it assures, “We’re not all this stupid.”

I dare you to find as many stories about stupid people in any of the other 49 States. You’ll find a few, but they won’t compare to Florida. Not even close.


One Response

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  1. jaxjohn said, on January 6, 2011 at 7:44 AM

    Yes, we really are stupid here in florida. Just look at how many people voted for Crook Scott for Gov. and Rubio for Congress. I heard that he has a 30% approval rating, which is the lowest of any incoming governor. I’m sure he will “fix” any problems that the state was having with Medicare.


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