Top 5 Cock Rock Frontmen

It was the early ’70s. The hippie counter-culture was on its way out and all that was left to do was popularize cock rock for the next several decades.

The name of the genre refers to the bulge in the tight pants of rockstars–a bulge responsible for the bedding of plethoras of groupies. A prominent resurgence three decades ago saw peace, love and music make way for sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll; women walked this way for Steven Tyler and teachers were hot for David Lee Roth.

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While cock rock climaxed in the ’80s, this list looks at the forefathers of the genre, the ground-breaking lyricists who made in-your-face, pelvis-thrusting crotch shots not only mainstream, but the norm.

5. Paul Stanley of KISS

Stanley can be credited with bringing cock rock moves to the oversexed genres of glam rock and hair metal. KISS had always worn tight leather pants, but as the frontman, Stanley was the only member to use it to his advantage. Gene Simmons might’ve had the tongue, but Stanley had the balls… to flash his cod-pieced Love Gun to the crowd.

4. Roger Daltry of The Who

There perhaps is no better a display of cock rock than The Who’s 4:00 a.m. performance from Woodstock ’69. Daltry shakes his wild locks during parts of “My Generation” and “Pinball Wizard”, with low angles complementing his protrusion. Whether it’s real or not, groupies of the time might or might not say they won’t get fooled again.

3. Mick Jagger of The Rolling Stones

Arguably the first to introduce the moves, Jagger is a prominent sex symbol of the time, known for shuffling his hips during songs like “Honky Tonk Woman”. With allegedly countless love-children, Jagger proved that these moves work, creating a legion of followers who want the same pants as those on the cover of Sticky Fingers.

2. Jim Morrison of The Doors

The Doors’ music may not have been as sexual as their peers, but Morrison’s onstage performances left little to the imagination of fire-lighting gypsies. While Morrison wasn’t as controversial as Oliver Stone made him out to be in the 1991 biopic, The Doors, he was certainly one of the earliest rockers to use the moves, which surely got him more than a few L.A. women.

1. Robert Plant of Led Zeppelin

Anyone who’s seen the 1976 concert film The Song Remains the Same has witnessed one of the originators in all his long-haired, bare-chested, blue-denim bell-bottom jeaned glory. Plant made every woman in Madison Square Garden sweat and groove with the sway of his hips, putting them in a hypnotic trance. His two-sizes-too-small britches that emphasized his trouser snake made him an icon for cock rock, one that both men and women looked up to (figuratively and literally).

Honourable Mentions

• Steven Tyler of Aerosmith
• David Lee Roth of Van Halen
• Vince Neil of Mötley Crüe
• Bret Michaels of Poison
• Sebastian Bach of Skid Row

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Top 7 Best Fests

To go with the recent Woodstock ’99 post, here are my Top 7 Best Fests. Yeah, number one is cliché, but who’s going to argue with me about it? (Sorry Lollapalooza and South by Southwest, you just weren’t as awesome.)

Top 7 Best Fests

7. Toronto Rocks – July 30, 2003
The Line-Up: The Rolling Stones, AC/DC, Rush, The Guess Who
The Reason: Sometimes referred to as “SARSstock” or “SARSapalooza,” this one-day show featured a lot of great rock acts coming to Canada to help revive tourism after the Toronto SARS scare. At the time, AC/DC and The Rolling Stones were touring Europe together, but this was their only Canadian show. It set a record for the largest ticketed single day event in history with an audience of 490,000 fans. Plus, it’s the Stones.

6. Rock in Rio – January 11-20, 1985
The Line-Up: Queen, AC/DC, Iron Maiden, Ozzy Osbourne, Scorpions, Whitesnake
The Reason: Over the course of the 10-day festival, an estimated 1.4 million attended some of the heaviest metal on earth. Iron Maiden had just released Powerslave, Ozzy Osbourne was “going off the rails on Crazy Train” and Freddie Mercury was still the best frontman alive. Add AC/DC, Scorpions, an ’80s one hit wonder and 58,000 McDonalds hamburgers and you’ve got the best Rock in Rio to date. It’s hard to top the original.

5. Rock am Ring & Rock Im Park – June 6-8, 2008
The Line-Up: Metallica, Motörhead, The Offspring, Rage Against The Machine, Kid Rock, HIM
The Reason: Germans are known for their love of hard rock, and for many years, the Rock Am Ring and Rock Im Park festivals has a killer bill. They are two annual simultaneous shows featuring rock, metal and punk music on both stages. In other years, bands such as Iron Maiden, Linkin Park and 3 Doors Down have performed–always an amazing show.

4. Download ’07 – June 8-10 ’07
The Line-Up: Iron Maiden, Linkin Park, Mötley Crüe, Megadeth, Velvet Revolver, Korn, My Chemical Romance, Paramore, 30 Seconds to Mars, Dream Theater, Evanescence
The Reason: Three days, three stages and about three-dozen bands playing each day. Like Rock Am Ring & Rock Im Park, the Download Festival always a big line-up and a huge crowd with something for every rock fan to enjoy.

3. Donington ’91 – August 17, 1991
The Line-Up: AC/DC, Metallica, Mötley Crüe, Queensrÿche, The Black Crowes
The Reason: AC/DC’s performance was recorded and released on DVD and Blu-Ray, and the music was put on the AC/DC Live, which later influenced the AC/DC Live: Rock Band video game. The 18-song set featured Angus Young in his schoolboy outfit, a giant inflatable Rosie and a row of cannons across the stage for the encore. With Metallica and Crüe as warm-up acts, AC/DC’s got them by the balls.

2. Woodstock ’99 – July 23-25, 1999
The Line-Up: Metallica, Megadeth, The Offspring, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Rage Against The Machine, Our Lady Peace, Limp Bizkit, Creed
The Reason: Yes, the end of Woodstock ’99 was not pretty, but the performers were outstanding. To have so many groups on the same bill perform before a few hundred-thousand youth happens once in a lifetime. It was more commercial than peaceful, but that’s how the world was 30 years later.

1. Woodstock ’69 – August 15-18, 1969
The Line-Up: Jimi Hendrix, The Who, The Grateful Dead, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Sly & The Family Stone, Santana, Janis Joplin, Mountain, Jefferson Airplane
The Reason: Roughly 200,000 hippies went to a dairy farm in rural New York to see some of the best rock n’ roll before the ’60s ended; that sounds like a party to me. One $18 ticket got you four days of Hendrix, Joplin, CCR, The Who and 28 other bands, performing at all hours of the day and night for the flower power generation. Peace, free love and LSD were had by all.

Party like it’s Woodstock ’99

Welcome to Woodstock

In the summer of 1999, more than 200,000 concert-goers traveled to an abandoned Air Force Base in Rome, New York for Woodstock ’99, one of the largest music festivals in history.

For Generation X degenerates, it was the party of the millennium.

Woodstock ’99 ran from July 23-25 and was broadcast live by HBO. Stations such as MTV and MuchMusic also covered the event with their own crews.

Even though many attendees complained of expensive ticket prices ($150 plus service charges for three days), the line-up was top-notch.

(Some of) The Line-Up: Buckcherry Bush Creed DMX Elvis Costello Everclear Everlast James Brown Kid Rock Korn Limp Bizkit Lit Megadeth Metallica The Offspring Our Lady Peace Rage Against The Machine Red Hot Chili Peppers Sheryl Crow Snoop Dogg Willie Nelson

The Offspring was touring for Americana, Korn’s Follow the Leader was still selling well and thrash metal bands Metallica and Megadeth were on the bill for some headbanging performances.

People moshed, crowd-surfed and jumped with the music, and when they weren’t at the stage, the crowd made its own fun by rolling in mud, making music with garbage cans and throwing hundreds of frisbees at once.

Protesting Peace

But after “3 More Days of Peace and Music,” the final night turned into an evening of chaos and looting. Rage Against The Machine and Limp Bizkit were blamed for inciting riots.

During the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ set, an audio tower caught fire and a concert organizer went on stage, announcing that the fire department was on its way.

“If you look behind you, we have a bit of a problem,” said the organizer in an understatement.

It didn’t help that RHCP returned to the stage to cover “Fire” by Jimi Hendrix, an homage to Woodstock ’69.

A big mistake on the promoters behalf was to only allow its 1,200 security guards within the Woodstock grounds rather than hire police officers to overlook the event. After two days, nearly half of Woodstock’s security was gone–some were fired, others just left.

By the end of the show, more bonfires had been lit with candles that were intended for a candlelight vigil. Trash was all over the place, concession stands were burnt to the ground and still, the NYPD was on the outside looking in.

State Troopers were finally called in to help regain control, but a lot of damage had already been done. Four rapes were reported, seven arrests were made and police reviewed video to identify looters of overpriced vendor merchandise.

Dave Mustaine said it best when Megadeth finished their set: “Peace Sells… But Who’s Buying?”

Today ’09

Looking back, people seem to only remember the bad parts of Woodstock ’99.

They remember how disgusting the porta-pottys were, how expensive the food was, how hot it was outside.

It was not your mothers Woodstock.

One Beavis and one Butt-head is enough, but when you get some 200,000 of them together, surely even former MTV VJ Kurt Loder (who was at the event) should realize that the elements are combustible.

In reality, it’s a sad thought that ’90s teens could be so depraved, but it’s unlikely that even a small percentage of the turn-out partook in tearing down Woodstock ’99. With only seven arrests and six injuries out of 200,000 people, that might be a record.

The main thing to remember is the music; there were dozens of great bands on one bill and being there would’ve made you one of a lucky 200,000 to see them all live.

The rest of us could watch it on HBO, without the riots, $4 water bottles and drunk frat boys yelling, “Show us your tits!”